“I wonder why people lie?”

Ashita no watashi no tsukurikatta
November 2007
Directed by Ichikawa Jun
97 minutes
Narumi Riko, Maeda Atsuko

Sumitani Juri (Riko Narumi) is a normal girl. She is neither popular nor bullied in class. She idolizes the most popular girl in her elementary class, Hanada Kanako (Maeda Atsuko). She pities the bullied girl in her class, Kubota Manami. However, she does nothing to change the norms and just goes with the flow of society. Outside, she might seem like a carefree, fun-loving girl but she is mainly a girl who is struggling to keep her family together and feels pain whenever her parents go into arguments.

During her elementary graduation, she talks with Kanako. Kanako has previously gotten into an argument with the class and was demoted from being the class representative to being the bullied one in class. As they talk, they both unload their burdens of keeping up a false front to people in order to fit in: with Kanako trying her best to be the well-liked girl in class and Juri trying her best to meet her parents’ expectations and keep them together.

Juri and Kanako drift away from each other until Juri finds out that Kanako is moving away to a new high school. Concerned that her old friend will still be troubled at her new school, Juri sends her an e-mail. When Kanako does not recognize her, Juri decides not to reveal herself. Instead, she undertakes a false identity, Kotori, who tells Kanako the story of a very popular girl named Hina.

Kotori tells Kanako of Hina’s ways to fit in and have lots of friends. Kanako becomes a shadow of Hina and follows everything Kotori tells her about. She easily fits in and becomes popular and even gets herself a boyfriend (Kanei). All throughout those times, Kanako depended on Kotori and her stories of Hina to keep herself together.

When the e-mails stops, however, Kanako finds herself thinking if it is right to keep pretending. Juri also starts to think about the real reason behind her e-mails. Is she just keeping it up to make the story of Kotori and Hina happy? Who are their real selves? Will they be able to fit in if they are their real selves?

Based on a story by Kaori Mado, How to Become Myself is a teenage movie but unlike most movies, it deals with something other than sex, love interests and money. It is a movie that discusses the troubles of teenage girls trying to fit into a cookie-cutter society.

Director Ichikawa who is known for his subtlety, uses scenery, quiet movements and split screens to convey the core messages of the movie. The plot might seem deep for a teen-related film, but actually, it is quite timely. It is during teenage times that people commit to a role and keep up a front in order to be accepted by the society they are in. The use of mobile phones as well as the scenes where only the messages between Kotori and Kanako are shown gives their exchanges more impact. Kanako’s and Kotori’s conversations are also like a “how-to” segment, where Kotori enumerates what to do and scenes of Kanako doing those things follow, making the scenes more vivid and alive. The sudden twists in both of their lives, such as Kanako getting a boyfriend, adds a lighter note to the serious air in which both characters are in.

The movie which is filled with serene scenes, quiet movements and facial expressions, simply conveys that everyone has roles to fill in. A person can perform 3 or more roles at the same time, depending on the necessity of that role. Everyone also lies, albeit white lies, in order to cover up the disagreeable sides of his or her nature. There is no ‘artificial’ self, for each role a person plays is a part of himself or herself, no matter how much denial or dislike there is. The only question in fact is not what role to choose, but rather how to cherish those roles and play them naturally in order to not get carried away and maintain a personality that is true of and unique to oneself.

I initially watched this movie because it listed Sakurada Doori as a character (Kanako’s boyfriend XD). I can say that I love his character. Kanei is a guy who, amidst his girlfriend’s troubles, does not let go and pulls her back when he is pushed away. Despite Kanako’s realization that Hina is not her, Kanei stays with her and declares that he doesn’t care about Kanako’s fake and real selves. He just wants to love her <3.

Even without Doori, this has become one of my favorite movies. I recommend this movie not only to teenagers, but to anyone who are also in search of their selves.

As the movie asks us to contemplate on it, I leave the question: Do you know your real self?